“As you grow more practiced in noticing your triggers, offering yourself kindness and remembering that the power to heal your life is always available in the present moment, the situations that once set you off lose their explosive potential.”
– Martha Beck
Growing pains suck – big time!
Just when you think you have a handle on things, another ‘obstacle’ pops up in your path.
I’m a negative person by nature and lately find myself clinging to frustration and doubt. I’ve been falling back into old habits and beating myself up for gaining back weight I had lost so long ago.
When I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin, the rest of the world seems to crumble down around me.
I thought I had gotten past this kind of thing, becoming pretty good at ‘mindful thinking’.
If I’ve learned anything at all in this growth process, it’s that I gave society and the media MY power by allowing them to dictate how I valued myself.
My entire life I based my worth on my physical appearance, which has manifested into carrying a very heavy emotional weight and a negative perception of myself (like lots of self-doubt).
This emotional weight created several health issues; my body could not heal in such a stressed state.
But in order to grow, we must bear the pain of expanding, stretching and bending to fit our purposeful mold (that we get to create).
And sometimes that means reevaluating old beliefs.
The labels that we place upon ourselves are like seeds planted deep down within our being. And sometimes, there’s a LOT of digging to do before we get to the very core.
Sorcerer School has taught me to find that core – the root cause – and to see it as a blessing in disguise. Every moment is a lesson and every moment is a chance to LET GO and feel peaceful.
Letting go isn’t always about releasing negative energies though; sometimes letting go means leaving old ways behind, and that can be a very scary thing.
This has been the most challenging couple of years of my life.
I’ve had to say goodbye to so much, from hobbies, my job and relationships to beliefs, financial freedom, physical abilities and even my independence… I’ve had to let go of life as I’d always known it.
Even though it has caused a lot of pain, tears and sadness, it has also brought me an extraordinary amount of healing and love on levels I never even knew existed. I am learning that all the holding on in the world can’t save us from what is meant to be and it is in the letting go that we find truth, freedom and healing.
Letting go is a process that requires a deep courage and commitment to the work, AND these shifts, at least for me, take place in different ways.
Sometimes shifts come with pain and it feels like I’ll never get past a certain something but then there are mornings I wake up feeling lighter, like a weight has been lifted. And even though I hadn’t done anything in particular in that moment, I believe the daily work and commitment does its magic, even when we feel we’re wasting our time, and our bodies will shift and release when we are truly ready.
If I were to offer any advice at all in this area, it would be to really allow yourself to feel and see where it takes you.
An example might be an incident that haunts you from your past. When memories and/or feelings of this incident arise, allow yourself to sink into the feeling.
Try and clear your mind of the circumstances, the ‘whys’ and ‘what ifs’ and just concentrate on the feeling of it.
How does it feel in your body? Where do you feel it in your body?
Allow yourself to just feel.
Sinking into the feeling can deepen the shift and the process of release, and it will support you in feeling lighter when you’re on the other side of it.
If/when you come back to something you thought you’d gotten past and understood, don’t beat yourself up!
It’s perfectly normal and only means that there are more layers to be peeled away and deeper truths that you are ready to learn.
It’s all a natural part of the growing process.
Lastly, I totally recommend finding your tribe. For me, having my husband and the Sorcerer School family there to support me and remind why I’m doing this in times of doubt has been such a blessing!