Ever since learning how to string together a sentence, I’ve loved words. They were my favorite art form, with meaning, inflection and expression infused into each syllable. I loved writing, I loved speaking, and I loved learning new languages. The feeling of words as they rolled off my tongue to communicate what was in my heart — there was always something about tapping into the vastness of possibility in choosing my expression precisely to convey my feeling that was deeply fulfilling for me.
As I grew older, something changed. I heard others question them, remarking on how much we as humans rely on them, and getting frustrated over questioning their semantics. I realized that overthinking, and therefore talking about things beyond true necessity, was actually a downfall I wanted to get past. I never stopped loving words, but I did begin to question their importance.
In that curiosity and questioning, I began to notice how often words are used as fillers, distracting from the truth of an experience. They’re often thrown around meaninglessly, but trying too hard to make meaning of things only brought people suffering.
And so I allowed this element of myself — this aspect of my creativity and self expression that I felt in my core — to be questioned, even abandoned while I found my truth. Because sometimes we have to let go of the need we thought we had for something to discover whether it’s actually a part of our ego or our essence.
But we can’t ever actually abandon our gifts… because our gifts never abandon us.
Even during the times we are called to question them, we’re actually doing so to find deeper elements of truth within where or how they run through us — they never actually leave us. In fact, something interesting can happen when we start to let these gifts go.
Because I allowed myself to open to the possibility that this passion might actually be a part of my ego ready to release, I gave myself permission to find new elements of truth. In the opening that occurs when we let something go entirely, we’re able to allow in possibility we wouldn’t be able to see were we to cling onto it tightly.
In this examination and excavation, I found a new relationship with words. In many ways, it was one I’d had all along — but I was now able to see the truth underneath why I’d been coveting them, giving me new capacity to use them only when necessary and for the purpose that carried an expression that was more true to my divine nature, to who I desired to be.
I found that my love was less about the words themselves and more about the feeling infused in each word and the capacity they bring me to express myself fully and clearly.
Words allow us to powerfully create the world we desire to live in through that feeling in expression. They allow us to bring more feeling to each other and the moments we share together. They gift others with a capacity to feel within their bodies, where they may have been previously numb.
We are on this planet to express, to create, to know ourselves as Source.
For me, the most profound channel with which to do these things is feeling — and words enhance, cultivate, and expand what’s possible not only in our feeling nature, but in the art we can make with our feelings. Crafting a feeling into words is like taking the expansive nature of feeling inside myself and finger painting them up against a wall that people can take in the experience of, one stroke at a time.
Instead of it being semantics to question the use of a particular word, I see it as attuning ourselves to the conscious choice of what we desire to feel, and what we desire others to feel in our expression.
Had I clung onto my need to be validated in my love of words, unwilling to let go of the possibility they may not be my truest expression, I would not have found this new capacity in expressing them.
Questioning what was true for me brought me back to an original love, and it also shined light on other gifts I enjoyed expressing. It also brought me around full circle to having more respect for the various elements of what makes me, me.
When we’re forced to question what was once important to us, the root of what’s important doesn’t disappear. It remains within the deepest fibers of our being because the true threads of our soul can’t be taken away from us no matter what we choose. In questioning the aspects of them that were simply “personality” or ego, we are given the opportunity to release the padding and the dust around our gifts and our passions — the elements that were never really us.
What is left over at the end of the excavation process is not only a better representation of our true gifts and passions, but also a newfound integration of who we really are.
And it is the integration of our gifts — how they dance together in and as our true expression — that holds many people back from living their truest purpose. Whenever I hear people say that they’re challenged by having so many passions they don’t know where to begin on their path of purpose, it is the integration of them that screams out to me as what they haven’t yet found.
Our gifts are rarely meant to be used in isolation. They want to dance together to make up the conglomeration of expression that is us, individually, in our true nature. And when our gifts have the opportunity to find their next-deepest expression, we may find that place where everything that’s ever been important to us comes together to show us the tapestry of the infinite version of ourselves we’ve always felt deep down.
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