Why I’m Changing My Definition of Power – and You Should, Too

Why I’m Changing My Definition of Power – and You Should, Too

I’m not a big fan of the word “should”. In fact, it’s a word that I do my best not to use. In fact, telling you that you have to do anything, or that you won’t be “good enough” if you don’t, would completely go against my point. Power is about choice anyway, is it not?! Oh, that’s right – not in our society. Power has historically been about the gaining of control, which has, in turn, removed choice from others. We’ve grown to view power as a possessive, dominating, and ultimately destructive way of gaining what we want, without taking into account the needs or desires of others.

And so, we’ve grown to perceive power as one of those dark forces in life, meant to show the duality of things; or what can go wrong when we take something a step too far. And, while I’m an advocate for life containing those things that show us duality, so that we may know that which we don’t want, in order to experience and create that which we do; I’m not an advocate for power becoming (or remaining) one of those things. You see, if power were something that were meant to show us what we don’t want, then why would each of us have a way of finding power within us? Even within the systems of our bodies, we have areas that bring us to a place of personal power simply by being present there – our solar plexus and core are two of them.

So why is it so hard for us to find power without intermingling it with ego, taking the focus off of the good of the whole? Well, for starters, most of us don’t actually go to that place in our bodies where we find power when we’re looking for it. It comes from our heads, and shows up as taking action, and often in an aggressive way. Action is good, yes; but what if we could all learn to incorporate into action a sense of being? Our bodies have that place for us to go, and to be while the action is taken, words are spoken, and decisions are made that allow us to remain grounded in the true essence of power.

But what does that mean? How is that different from the kind of power that can drive people toward greed? The cool thing is that our bodies don’t have a deeper, internal sense of greed. When coming from the core or the solar plexus, we are able to let go of fear that would drive us to losing sight of the good of the whole. We’re able to connect to our hearts (this is key!), while also maintaining our sense of intuition that guides us toward knowing both what’s right for us, and what we can give to the whole. We’re able to connect with others without losing sight of ourselves, realizing that oneness doesn’t mean losing sight of authenticity and the beauty of the self. Because that’s what power is all about – finding the truth in oneness, while maintaining our sense of love and understanding for the self. If we were all able to redefine power to mean this, then the world would be full of authentic connection, loving generosity, inspired action, and joy. Or is it already?

_____________________________________________

I’d love to hear from you! As always, my blogs are designed for you to take what resonates for you, and apply them in a way that works for you, and leave the rest behind. Feel free to share on Facebook or Twitter, or leave a response in the comments section below!

Feminine Power Is Not a Synonym For Control

Feminine Power Is Not a Synonym For Control

I spent 13 years as a social worker, with a focus in domestic violence. If you’re at all familiar with the dynamics of domestic violence, you’ll be familiar with the term “power and control”. It’s what causes domestic violence and sexual abuse, this internal, ego/instinct based (and more importantly, fear based) need that our human (ie. not spirit) based selves take on as if it were real. And though “power” and “control” are two separate words, used to convey two different meanings, they’re often used together as synonyms of each other, as if they were essentially the same thing. And that’s because the fear based self wants power in order to gain control. And so, when talking about feminine power, it’s easy to create an instant misperception of the term, as if it were related to wanting to use one’s womanly ways to control others. And yet, it’s the furthest thing from the truth.

Feminine power is really just femininity. As women, we have an innate sense of power that comes through being ourselves. But it’s really the opposite of the way power is usually portrayed. Power is usually seen as firm and restrained, or closed off. As women, we are soft and open. Power is usually perceived as lacking compassion. As women, we are compassion. It’s often viewed as based in the mind and intellect. As women, we live in the heart and soul. It’s easy to see how feminine power can so easily become misunderstood.

The only way to cultivate feminine power is by learning who you are as a woman; by exploring your femininity and owning it as one of the most beautiful and necessary parts of your being. So much of what we’re taught to be as women is the opposite. We’re taught to set strong boundaries so people don’t screw us over. We’re taught to act, dress, and speak like a man so that we can be well respected in our careers. We’re taught to take care of ourselves and never expect others to do it for us. None of this is in alignment with the open, receiving nature of a woman. None of this allows room for our hearts or intuition to lead, and none of it allows for softness or compassion. And it’s not just men that these qualities attract. Other women are more responsive to the genuine behaviors we exhibit as a woman. Take a look at the women in your life you respect, and respond to the most, and it’s likely you’ll see examples of this truer, more authentic form of feminine power. Then ask yourself which of these qualities feels better to exhibit, and it’s likely you’ll find your own cultivation of feminine power. Because really, it’s just what feels better anyway.