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5 Reasons You’re Not Getting the Transformation You Desire

Have you ever seen that innocent face a child makes when they feel guilty about something?

If you’re a parent, it’s probably a look you know all too well.

Whether it is guilt from an accident or guilt from something they know they shouldn’t do – that’s my current relationship with self-sabotage.

I know all about self-sabotage.

I spent most of my teens and early twenties living in a state of self-sabotage. In fact, it had a cycle: every 7-8 months I would “ruin” whatever good thing I had going for me because I was becoming uncomfortable with how good things were. It was as if I had a certain “threshold for good” I could not cross.

I didn’t know how to handle all the good.

I repeated this cycle until about 23, when I relocated to San Diego, CA to follow my dream of living by the water.

With a free place to stay, it was a no-brainer to relocate and try it out. The cycle continued: drinking, sleeping around, and feeling miserable no matter how much I drank.

Needless to say, you probably recognize the cycle: I hated myself.

But as we always say at MDS: all of this self-sabotage was leading me somewhere.

As I ran out of funds and had no choice but to spend my evenings sober, I had to start facing my empty apartment and the hole inside of me.

At first, I did everything I could to avoid it:

  • Cleaning the house
  • Applying for jobs {I wasn’t jobless, but was working minimal hours due to some transfer paperwork}
  • Going to the local coffee shop to enjoy their delicious, organic coffee
  • Walking a few miles along the ocean, listening to my favorite playlist

And soon I realized, well, I was just dealing with things.

I wasn’t exactly sitting around basking in my feelings and welcoming them in, but as I allowed myself to grow more present within my own body and being, the overwhelming doom I used to feel when sobriety crept in… started to fade.

I want to say I changed, but I think I simply – finally – opened up.

While it wasn’t until years later that I began embracing all the experiences, failures and wins as life lessons, I can look back and tell you every layer of self-sabotage I pulled back had a lesson waiting for me.

Recently (just last Monday, in fact), embarrassed and ashamed, I came face to face with another layer of self-sabotage.

Even though I see it, realize its gifts, and know the shifts I’m experiencing will yield the best results for me, I am embarrassed.

Similar to that child’s innocent face, I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t – because I was self-sabotaging.

Shame rushes in to scold me because I should know better.

I’ve been dealing with my “threshold for good” all year, how could I have missed this rather obvious self-sabotage?

…I could go on and on.

But as you might have figured out by now, in this shame and “threshold for good,” I’ve been finding a lot of magic.

Through this experience, I’ve discovered:

  • How “in flow” my feelings are. Where I numbed in the past, I now free flow my feelings of shame. It’s freeing and liberating every time I lift a layer of it.
  • How resilient I’ve become. There used to be times when I would be down for hours at a time because I could barely handle hardship. While there are times I still need hours or days, I do so now from a space of self-honoring rather than fear or denial, easily regulating and flowing in my resilience.
  • How far I’ve come. Sometimes we spend so much time dwelling on our stories and who we used to be that we forget who we are right now. I do that all the time. This moment reminds me that all those stories, the shame I’m experiencing… I used to experience this every day. Now, I rarely feel that shame and embarrassment.

So even though right now it hurts and it’s a bit of a struggle, I know even in the hurt that I am safe.

There’s magic waiting for you – all you must do is lean into the lesson.

Whether that is sitting with the feelings, or journaling out the reasons you might be self-sabotaging, it’s all about opening up to the possibilities.

Want to lean in with me?

P.S. When you’re ready…here are 5 ways I can help you learn  more about growing your leadership through cellular-level transformation:

1. Join the waitlist for my new book, coming soon!

The must-have handbook for digging deep into all areas of how you relate, communicate and innovate – in leadership and in life. Plus, it’ll show you how to build a foundation of cellular-level transformation so that you can use even the tiniest challenges to make a much bigger contribution in your leadership, your family, or anywhere in your life. – Join the Waitlist (click here)

2.  Grab a free copy of my (current) workbook

Exclusive exercises designed to get you trusting your wisdom, expanding your empathy, and heightening your energetic awareness.Download Now (click here)

3.  Join the Modern Day Sorcerer Conscious Leadership Community

It’s our new Facebook community. Connect with others who are on a similar journey of growth, contribution, and impact — Join Us (click here)

4. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel

I’m on a mission to reach 1000 subscribers on my YouTube channel by the end of the year, and I’d love your help in getting there. – Subscribe Now (click here)

5. Join the Sorcerer School Conscious Leadership Onramp Program

I have a new round of the Sorcerer School Onramp starting next month and it’s the perfect time to jump in. This is where we explore how your mind, body, soul and spirit connect to get you the results you’ve been wanting in leadership, relationships, and in your internal well-being. (Plus, it’s the prerequisite to Sorcerer School). If you want to find out more… shoot me a message with the word “Onramp” and I’ll get you the details ASAP.Message Me (click here)

Jordanna Eyre

Chief Sorceress of Life & Business

Today's leaders need to find the fierceness of Gandhi, the perseverance of Mandela, & the equanimity of a Buddha...without meditating for years on a mountaintop.

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