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I’ve been scared. Really scared.
I’m taking the culmination of years of soul archeology (digging + discovering + learning), years of growth, and the readiness to supercede where our society currently stands in power dynamics and how people interact.
News flash — this does not make me any more “special” than the next person.
But fear + my ego’s need to protect me sure had me wanting to believe that it did.
Not in the ‘you’re so special, good for you’ way. More in the ‘you’re different, so no one’s gonna get it’ way.
And then, after surviving the temporary stronghold of the fear, here’s what I realized.
Everything I’ve ever moved through has, in some way, proven to be part of the collective. None of us has ever been alone in this. The part of you that believes in separation just believes you’re alone.
And the part of you that knows better, knows there are others out there experiencing the same thing.
So I’ve decided to share it with you. Because everyone here is a brilliant, booty kicking planetary warrior.
So here goes.
As I let the knowing within me rise up, the ALL of who I am expand, here are some of the things I’ve feared, and the truths I have found that are telling fear to suck it:
FEAR: I fear no one will “get” me. I’ll have no friends, be unable to connect with anyone. Growing sometimes convinces our ego that we’ll be left alone because we’ll be leaving others in the dust.
TRUTH: Everything that comes to us and through us is a part of the ‘wisdom field’. If we’re being sent a message or a new level to embody, it’s because the world is ready for it. You may genuinely be the first, or at least one of the first, to open up to the world about what you now know. But you got it from the wisdom field. You can trust that when you accept who you are in it, others will ‘get’ it, too.
FEAR: They’re not ready for me. I’ll scare everyone. Then they’ll shame me, ostracize me.
TRUTH: Let’s bring it back to the ‘wisdom field’ for a second. Of course the world is ready – it’s the very wisdom of our world, and the Universe around it, that I got what I ‘know’ from anyway.
Besides, was the world ready for electricity, ice cream, hammer pants (c’mon they may not be cool anymore, but they definitely had their impact), and the internet?
We can’t draw in what we don’t hold. I’ve had enough experiences with processing + releasing my own shame, to then have it be met by complete love once it’s released, to know that what doesn’t resonate with our being doesn’t enter/affect us. So okay, maybe this is even more reason to peel away remainng layers of shame and fear – but hey, bring it. Because anything that forces me to be more rooted in knowing I’m enough, I’m all over that sh%$.
FEAR: I’m actually delusional.
TRUTH: Who decides who actually knows what they’re doing anyway? This human experience is all just a crazy experiment where none of us really knows what we’re doing anyway. Anyone who tells you otherwise has simply decided to deem that they know what they’re doing out of – you got it, fear!
FEAR: I might be able to take the leap, but I also might crumble while in freefall. So even if I can do this, I still might end up a hot mess.
TRUTH: So what if I do? Human beings are messy. I’m a human being, so by default I’m messy. And the experience of being one is all a practice anyway. By very definition, a practice means you’re always learning and growing, and that you have to get at it to make any progress.
So what if I fall? At least it’ll make for a good story, and because I’m not hiding this time around, we can all laugh together as I get back up dancing.
And if you want it in more poetic form, here’s what I told the world of Facebook:
WHEN YOU’RE ABOUT TO OFFER SOMETHING TO THE WORLD THAT SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF PEOPLE…
That’s when you know you’re onto something big.
Ever since I was little I wanted to feel like I was a VISIONARY – and now everything inside of me is wanting to run scared from the truth of what it really means to be one.
The fear of being outcast, being ostracized. The fear of “knowing too much” or “being too big”. The fear of being left behind because you’re too far ahead. And then the fear that maybe you’re just delusional and you’re not actually anywhere at all.
I keep breathing through it. And when the fear is too big to handle, surrendering to it while it moves through.
Today, it became uber-clear to me just how important it was to prepare people for the possibility of fear rising inside of them when they see what I’m up to. (Just as it rose within me when it started to show itself a year or two ago).
And ironically enough, today is also the first day that I feel like everyone I talk to just “GETS IT”.
When you finally own it, shadows and all, it becomes clear, supported, warm, simple.
I can’t say the rest of the journey will be. But I am grateful for this feeling right now. <3
(And with this post I become increasingly more excited, and increasingly less scared to reveal this to you at the end of the month!!)
I’d love to hear if this resonates with you! Share with us your experience in the comments below. Because every time one of us speaks about about our fears, it’s kind of like an Angel gets its wings. Or at very least, we all become more held up by each other, and there’s less room for fear to survive.
Loving you all,