One of the most common questions I receive from people is, “But how do you surrender?!”
We talk about surrender as one of the greatest solutions to both our material and existential problems. And it is! But it’s also the hardest state to truly achieve.
And if we’ve never achieved it (and it’s one of those things that you can’t know until you get there), it can be just as challenging to understand why it’s so important for us.
Surrender can change the state of embodiment of how we are able to show up as leaders. It can guide us into decisions for our businesses or lives we never would have known needed to be made without it. And it can show us paths and roads to take on our greater path that we never would have been able to see with the naked eye.
And the biggest conundrum of this blog post itself — even for those of us who have experienced surrender and its benefits deeply, it can be challenging to put into words what it’s like, let alone how to get there.
Because the state of true surrender is beyond words.
It’s a state of such deep allowing that the all-ness of everything — Source, your higher self, all of the energy of all that is — takes over and shows you the way. It may show you through feelings that flow through you clearing you out. It may show you through insights that could never be found with the usual “thought state” of our minds. It may show you through feelings that lead you to awareness that is beyond anything you’ve ever known.
However this all-ness chooses to move through you, surrender will bring you beyond typical states of consciousness and into a wisdom that is greater than anything we can experience when living in the traditional human paradigm.
And even better — surrender is not about floating up in the clouds in more traditional “spiritual” states. True surrender will take you under and through the tunnels of death into rebirth and growth into wisdom, faster than anything we could experience by trying to create that same growth (even with application of the millions of tools for growth out there, which are all fabulous – surrender works at light speed in comparison).
True surrender will move you through the cellular-level shifts in a manner and at a pace that is beyond what our minds can comprehend, and will bring you to the states of inspiration, clarity, readiness, courage, and motivation to step into the impact you’ve been seeking (even specifying what steps to take), but cannot find in any other way.
As we progress on our growth path, our minds start to develop conscious constructs for various aspects of growth. For example, “allowing,” “surrender,” “receiving,” “embodiment,” “balance” — the list goes on. The human condition wants us to consciously understand things first, and so we might believe we understand despite never having actually experienced each thing at its truest level. And add to this the recognition that we don’t know until we know… and it can make the idea of something like surrender even more challenging to find.
When we think we understand something, but it is only on the thought level, our bodies and minds find even more subconscious reason to resist what’s beneath the cognitive understanding.
Then, add in the fact that surrender is a state of feeling, and how challenging it is for almost all of us (even those of us who consider ourselves “deep feelers”) to truly feel all of the feelings present for us, and this renders surrender the hardest state to achieve.
Surrender is an allowing of the feelings present beneath the surface that brings us under, and into a state where only the feeling is in “control.” This is frightening for the psyche, which is taught that it needs to be in control to protect us in all moments.
Resistance to the surrender is, therefore, a given part of the process — as with any new level of growth, each of our psyches will begin with the default mode they’re set up with to avoid “death” at all costs.
None of this is conscious, as we’re not talking about physical death, but the death of parts of ourselves, cells and DNA, buried emotions, and beliefs we’ve subconsciously held onto for lifetimes.
And it’s the unconscious process that must take place within us to move from resistance to surrender that’s just as important as finding surrender itself. Because within the former, we cannot find the latter.
So, in the lightened, expansive, and “OMG-now-it-all-makes-sense” glorious aftermath of further deepened levels of surrender I recently went through with my business and life, I’m excited to offer 6 steps to support each of us in getting through the resistance and finding new levels of surrender.
Because so much of this is about pacing and fully integrating each step rather than rushing into the next, I’m going to guide you through the first two steps and share the rest next week. (To make sure you don’t miss out, remember to sign up at the bottom of this page for our magical updates delivered straight to your inbox.)
1. Acknowledge the resistance.
Resistance can show up in so many ways — it can be circumstances that continue to arise to give us triggers that are asking us to go into surrender (but our minds make up are just shitty circumstances), or feelings of anxiety that seem to come out of nowhere, or our thoughts or behaviors directing toward a pattern of distraction or self-sabotage (like checking social media or our cell phones when we don’t need to, eating for comfort, or any of the plethora of behaviors we subconsciously use to numb or distract ourselves from what we’re feeling deep down, that we don’t usually consciously even know we’re feeling yet).
By simply acknowledging the presence of resistance, we can become more aware of the behaviors or go-tos of our psyche to distract from the surrender our souls are asking for.
2. Be with the resistance.
Trying to “do something” to clear away resistance adds fuel to the fire. The only way out of resistance and into surrender is through a softening of the mind and body. When we enter resistance, if we try to do anything to clear it, we act against the softening and subconsciously try to control it. Anything that even remotely represents the tiniest element of control will only prolong the resistance. This means that until we’re ready to act on the softening from a place that feels softened, the best thing for us it to allow ourselves to simply be with the resistance.
Sometimes this even looks like consciously choosing to stop doing in life, and give your body and mind room to simply be in the resistance itself. It could mean taking a bath, just sitting with your breath, or even calling it a day and watching a few hours of Netflix.
There’s a fine line between self-sabotage and increasing the resistance. But forcing ourselves to work or progress on our to-do list through the resistance will only cause the resistance to remain for much longer, keeping us away from the ultimate shift that will help that work or the outcomes of those to-dos to become far more powerful.
Remember to come back next week for the four remaining steps to deepen this process and make lasting change in your life. If you’re not already subscribed to our newsletter, you can sign up below and never miss an update again.